Inspire Me (September 2004)

True stories, quotes and information on inspiration, leadership and kindness to provide hope and direction in your life.

Things Aren't Always What They Seem
By Author Unknown

Two traveling angels stopped to spend the night in the home of a wealthy family. The family was rude and refused to let the angels stay in the mansion's guest room. Instead the angels were given a space in the cold basement. As they made their bed on the hard floor, the older angel saw a hole in the wall and repaired it.

When the younger angel asked why, the older angel replied, "Things aren't always what they seem".

The next night the pair came to rest at the house of a very poor, but very hospitable farmer and his wife. After sharing what little food they had the couple let the angels sleep in their bed where they could have a good night's rest. When the sun came up the next morning the angels found the farmer and his wife in tears. Their only cow, whose milk had been their sole income, lay dead in the field. The younger angel was infuriated and asked the older angel "how could you have let this happen!? The first man had everything, yet you helped him," she accused. "The second family had little but was willing to share everything, and you let their cow die."

"Things aren't always what they seem," the older angel replied.

"When we stayed in the basement of the mansion, I noticed there was gold stored in that hole in the wall. Since the owner was so obsessed with greed and unwilling to share his good fortune, I sealed the wall so he wouldn't find it. Then last night as we slept in the farmer's bed, the angel of death came for his wife. I told him to take the cow instead. Things aren't always what they seem."

Sometimes this is exactly what happens when things don't turn out the way we think they should. Just trust that every outcome is always to your advantage. You might not realize it until much later.

WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING 7 YEARS FROM NOW?

By Augie Mendoza

I graduated from Brazosport High School in Freeport, Texas in May 1972. Not dressed in white (honors), but I graduated.

That summer like the previous summer, I worked as a longshoreman loading corn, flour and corn sacks weighing 50 to 140 lbs. and 900 lbs. caustic soda drums on freight ships bound to other countries at nearby Brazos Harbor and Dow Chemical A2 Dock.

This was one of the better paying jobs in the area. It was grueling, hard, heavy work, but I loved it at the time. My father had been doing this job most of his life since it paid well.

Fall came around and I had already decided that I did not want to make my living as a longshoreman. Work was inconsistent and when it was there it only went to the ones with the most seniority, unless there was too much and very little opportunity for a better job when you got older.

I had always heard that a college education would get you a better job and decided to find out. So I went to nearby Brazosport College and set up an appointment with a counselor.

I got to his office at the appointed time and he asked me what work or profession interested me the most. I had taken Auto Mechanics I & II during my junior and senior years in high school and asked him if Brazosport College had an auto mechanics program.

He said no. I asked him if they had anything similar to it. He said that the Machine Tools Technology program was very similar and described the program to me.

I was very interested and asked him how long it would take if I went full time. He said "4 years". I said I couldn’t go full time since I am working (whenever work was available).

I asked, how long would it take if I go part time? He said "7 years". I was shocked. I said, " Man, I'll be old then, I'll be 25 years old. I don't think so". He asked me "What did you say did for a living right now?"

I told him again that I worked as a longshoreman throwing bags and manhandling drums. Then he bent over his desk and looked me square in the eye and asked me the most significant words I will never forget in my life:

IF YOU DON'T TAKE ANY CLASSES…WHAT WILL YOU BE DOING 7 YEARS FROM NOW?

These words hit me like a ton of bricks! I sheepishly told him that I would be doing the same thing. I signed up for classes right then and there.

These prophetic words have inspired many of my relatives and friends. The sun will rise and fall 365 days a year. What you choose to do in between will determine many things in your life.

This story alone has inspired relatives and friends to realize an age-old truth: Time will go on regardless and it waits on nobody.

Years later, I told a co-worker this story. He got inspired enough, that he went on and got 3 different degrees in computers in less than 7 years! He said afterwards: 7 years ago I would've been saying " If only, should have, had the opportunity".

TIME WILL PASS REGARDLESS!

THE 5 KEYS TO INTERPERSONAL SUCCESS
Joseph Sommerville, PhD

In survey after survey, interpersonal communication skills are consistently ranked at or near the top of a list of skills necessary for career success. People who possess these skills enjoy a richer personal life, better relationships at work and more productive interactions with those around them. Teams with members who excel at these skills are more productive and more cohesive. No one is born with these *people skills.* They are the result of attention and practice. Here are five guaranteed ways to hone your people skills.

1. Recognize differences in people and be ready to adapt.
Because we think of ourselves at operating within a norm, we tend to see people who act and communicate differently from us as deviating from the norm. As a result, we believe that one communication style (ours) should fit all. Overcome this limiting mindset by recognizing
differences in preferences and motivations among people.

If it's all about communicating you say, why do we need all the distinctions? You don't use a rolling pin to chop vegetables and you don't use a chef's knife to roll out bread dough, even though it's all cooking. You have to choose the right tool for the right job.

For example, a fundamental principle of adult learning theory is that we have different preferences for acquiring knowledge. Depending on those preferences, we'll be more effective in communicating our message when we learn whether to emphasize visual, verbal or tactile approaches.

People also have different motivations. Anne may be motivated by the promise of a salary increase while David strives for peer recognition. Discovering and applying the right motivation will help you get the cooperation you need from others.

2. Learn to listen well.
When people compliment someone on being a great communicator, they often mean that the person is a good listener. Although most of us will have had at least one, if not several courses on reading, writing and speaking during our years of formal education, have you ever taken a listening course? We spend more time listening than in any other communication activity. In fact, given how much time we spend listening, it's neglect is surprising.

A major problem with listening occurs when we approach an interaction with different goals. I may be listening to gather information and solve a problem while my partner wants me to listen so that I empathize with his or her feelings. If I'm focused on generating solutions when my partner is looking for support, I'll be perceived to be *not listening* or unsympathetic to my partner's point of view.

Sometimes, what you see as a simple yes or no question designed to elicit information will be interpreted as a criticism of the other person. Don't become frustrated when your question is met with more information than you expected. It's probably designed to establish a context for the answer and explain the behavior that your partner thought you criticized.

To improve your listening skills, you'll need to develop genuine interest in your partner. Demonstrate your interest by seizing opportunities to ask questions. Search for common ground and be open to the possibility that you'll learn something new. There is a wise old saying that we were born with two ears but only one mouth so we could listen twice as much as we talk.

3. Realize that communication is more than just the words we use. We take communication for granted because we do it so frequently, but it's actually a complex process. While we are all wired with the same hardware (brain), the software (interpretive framework) varies tremendously among individuals. This means that given the same input (behaviors or words), we will reach different conclusions based on how we process that data. There are three aspects involved: 1) What you mean to say, 2) How you code this thought into language that gets verbalized and 3) How people interpret what you say. Consequently, there is often a tremendous difference between what you say and what someone hears.

Meant: *I know this is a big project, so I should chip in and pull my weight.*
Said: *I'd like to offer my help on the project.*
Heard: *You're not doing this right, so I'd better become involved.*

Meant: *I'm very busy with all the projects I've been assigned.*
Said: *I'll get to your task as soon as I can.*
Heard: *Your task isn't as important to me as the other things I'm doing.*

Be sensitive to the non-verbal clues of your partner and explain statements that seem puzzling or critical.

4. Learn to manage conflict rather than avoid it.
We often think of conflict as something to be avoided at all costs. However, conflict is a natural part of human interaction. Sometimes, in an effort to avoid conflict, important information isn't communicated. Avoidance is only one strategy among many. When an issue is very
important to someone else, but of little consequence to you, consider accommodating the person.

Managed properly, conflict can actually be beneficial. For example, conflict provides a method to weed out faulty assumptions and premises. Make a clear distinction between a conflict with a person and that person's ideas. Show respect for the person even when you disagree with the ideas. Learn to manage conflict with the appropriate strategy rather than simply to avoid it.

5. Be known for positive rather than negative interactions.
This doesn't mean you have to be an optimist on steroids. An over-the-top optimist never recognizes a problem exists. A pessimist never realizes a solution exists. When you consistently maintain a positive frame of mind, you'll become known as a problem-solver rather than a complainer. People avoid complainers. They seek out problem-solvers.

A great way to demonstrate a positive outlook is in your language. When someone thanks you, do you ever respond with the phrase *No problem* or *Not a problem* ? If so, you are marking the interaction by two negative words. Turn those negatives into positives by responding *I'm glad to help* or *It was my pleasure.*

Developing excellent interpersonal skills requires recognition of differences, listening, an awareness of the different aspects of communication, strategies for managing conflict and an optimistic outlook. People who choose to improve their interpersonal skills can do so. Remember, an individual's interpersonal style is not just *who he or she is.* It is who he or she chooses to be.

DON'T WE ALL

I was parked in front of the mall wiping off my car. I had just come from the car wash and was waiting for my wife to get out of work.

Coming my way from across the parking lot was what society would consider a bum. From the looks of him, he had no car, no home, no clean clothes, and no money.

There are times when you feel generous but there are other times that you just don't want to be bothered. This was one of those "don't want to be bothered times." "I hope he doesn't ask me for any money," I thought. He didn't.

He came and sat on the curb in front of the bus stop but he didn't look like he could have enough money to even ride the bus. After a few minutes he spoke. "That's a very pretty car," he said.

He was ragged but he had an air of dignity around him. His scraggly blond beard keeping more than his face warm. I said, "thanks," and continued wiping off my car.

He sat there quietly as I worked. The expected plea for money never came. As the silence between us widened something inside said, "ask him if he needs any help." I was sure that he would say "yes" but I held true to the inner voice.

"Do you need any help?" I asked.

He answered in three simple but profound words that I shall never forget.

We often look for wisdom in great men and women. We expect it from those of higher learning and accomplishments. I expected nothing but an outstretched grimy hand. He spoke the three words that shook me.

"Don't we all?" he said.

I was feeling high and mighty, successful and important, above a bum in the street, until those three words hit me like a twelve gauge shotgun.

Don't we all?

I needed help. Maybe not for bus fare or a place to sleep, but I needed help. I reached in my wallet and gave him not only enough for bus fare, but enough to get a warm meal and shelter for the day.

Those three little words still ring true. No matter how much you have, no matter how much you have accomplished, you need help too. No matter how little you have, no matter how loaded you are with problems, even without money or a place to sleep, you can give help. Even if it's just a compliment, you can give that.

You never know when you may see someone that appears to have it all. They are waiting on you to give them what they don't have. A different perspective on life, a glimpse at something beautiful, a respite from daily chaos, that only you through a torn world can see.

Maybe the man was just a homeless stranger wandering the streets. Maybe he was more than that. Maybe he was sent by a power that is great and wise, to minister to a soul too comfortable in themselves.

Maybe God looked down, called an Angel, dressed him like a bum, then said, "go minister to that man cleaning the car, that man needs help."

Don't we all?