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The Banquet Circuit (January 2009)Jokes, stories and anecdotes you can use to entertain your audience during that all-important presentation. Men
Are Just Happier People What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. ! Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier. They're Back! Church Bulletins: Thank God for church ladies with typewriters ... too bad about their wording or this misspelling. These appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services: A few are new this year.... The
Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. The
sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight:
"Searching for Jesus." Low
Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.
This
evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The
peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. Remember
in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard
to love. Say "Hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you. Don't
let worry kill you off - let the Church help. For
those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
Next
Thursday there will be try outs for the choir. They need all the help they can
get. The
Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing:"Break
Forth Into Joy." Irving
Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship
that began in their school days. At
the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What Is Hell?"
Come early and listen to our choir practice. Eight
new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members
and to the deterioration of some older ones. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ---------------------------------------------------------- ---------------------------------------------------------- |
